


Be Brave

by 90tonothing



Category: Divergent Series - Veronica Roth
Genre: Post Allegiant, don't read it if you haven't finished the books, i won't stop you, just be warned, unless you want to be spoiled, very spoilery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-01
Updated: 2015-08-01
Packaged: 2018-04-12 10:39:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4476236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/90tonothing/pseuds/90tonothing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Allegiant epilogue I needed. It will spoil the book for you if you haven't read or finished it, so you know, be warned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Be Brave

There is no escape from this pain. I know that now. Christina is right, taking that serum and forgetting Tris completely, it’s the worst form of cowardice. I can see that now, even though it hurts more than anything. As much as I appreciate having a friend like Christina now, I couldn’t stay near her or anyone else tonight. I saw too much of my father coming out of me. I needed to get away. I needed to be somewhere that I could be as close to Tris as I could, as impossible as that is now. The ferris wheel is only slightly more rusted than the last time we were here, but it is otherwise the same. So I just sit here on this ladder, watching as the snow falls in small flakes as I speak to the darkness that surrounds me.

“Why did you have to leave me, Tris? I mean, I know why you did it. It’s just hard for me to be who I was around you without you here now. You… you made me better.”

I can’t stop the oncoming storm of tears that erupt from me, and I don’t try to. Not this time. There isn’t anyone here to see me break. No one here I need to be strong for. I see lights flicker between my fingers and I jerk to attention, looking around for signs of anyone near. There is no one, so I fall back against the ladder. I try to collect myself so I can head back, until a warm touch and a familiar voice…

“Tobias…”

It isn’t possible. I refuse to look up because this is just my mind playing tricks on me. The cruelest of tricks. It must be all those times, running through my fear landscapes and the serum catching up to me. I curse my obsessive nature and close my eyes , trying to block it out. I should have known that I couldn’t, not with her. I feel a hand on my cheek pulling my face upward.

“Hey, it does help if you look at me. I don’t have long, you know?”

I open my eyes, and there she is. There are two parts of me that go to war instantaneously. The part that wants to grab her, pull her into my arms, and kiss her like there’s no tomorrow. Probably because there isn’t. Then there is the part that knows this isn’t real, that my grief is creating illusions. I want to stay in this illusion forever though.

“Tris? But you’re…”

“Dead? Yeah. It took an awful lot of persuasion for me to get to this side again, even for just a little while.”

I laugh at that. First time since she died. Persuasive, even in the beyond. I want to ask her about what’s out there, but when I reach out to touch her and she’s tangible I have no words. I can’t keep myself from pulling her to me and kissing her, nor can I stop the tears that follow. She returns this kiss for a moment, but pulls away and wipes the tears from my face. I no longer question why or how she is here, I’m just glad that she is.

“You know, I didn’t want this. To be the reason you are in so much pain.”

“I know you didn’t.” I say, placing my hand over the one she holds to my cheek. “Caleb told me that you didn’t want to leave. And I understand. I am just so afraid. I’m afraid I won’t know how to be the man I was with you. I don’t want to be a coward, I don’t want to be like Marcus, but I almost…”

I swallow hard and look down at my feet. Being honest with her, even from the beyond, is still difficult. How can I tell her that I almost tried to wipe her from my memory forever. What I had done when Christina tried to stop me. It was a picture of Marcus and facing that is unbearable. Only four fears, and I have so much trouble facing them when they happen. I don’t know how I’m going to manage to cope and I am afraid of telling her this. She lifts my chin to look at her again, and she has that knowing look. She already knows.

“I know, Tobias. Why do you think I fought to get here? I needed you to hear this straight from me, because I know you are stubborn and have a hard time accepting what others tell you. You are not without me. You never will be. I won’t be something tangible, like now, but I will always be right here.”

She places her hand on my chest over my heart. I place my hand over hers and hold on tight, not wanting to let go.

“I don’t really have much time left, but I needed you to know that. I’m here. I always will be. You are more than capable of being a man of greatness, a true leader, on your own. You don’t need me to be that. This world needs you to help heal it. I played my part, and now it’s your turn. I believe in you, I always have.”

I sigh heavily. She is right, as always. It was always so much easier when she was here, stubbornly talking sense into me. I loved that about her, even when I didn’t agree with her. I look up at her, taking in what time I have left with her and she smiles at me.

“If it helps you any, I can hear and see you from the other side. I can’t exactly talk back, but you know me well enough by now to know what I’d say. And when I get the chance I’ll sneak into your dreams. That’s as much for me as it is for you. I miss you too, more than I thought I could in death.”

I stand up straight and pull her into me, burying my face into her hair. I inhale deeply, memorizing her scent, her touch. I never want to let go, but I know that I’ll have to. Sooner than I would like.

“I have to go now. Just know that I will now, and forever love you.”

She pulls my face to hers and we kiss, one last time. I savor it, and she seems to be doing the same. After much too short a time, she pulls away. Backing away from me, holding onto my hand for as long as she can she says one last thing to me, and I will never forget it.

“Do one last thing for me, Tobias: be brave.”

And with a flicker of light, she’s gone. She has done it again. Given me a strength I didn’t know I had. I won’t let her down, I will make her proud. I will be brave.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this like a year ago after I read Allegiant and was so distraught about the ending.


End file.
